I Will Protect You
by Neocolai
Summary: Of all the things that could have taken down their archer, only the most foolish notions involved a rabbit hole. Now it is up to Fili to look after his injured brother. No slash.
1. Protector

**I almost twisted my ankle stepping into a shallow rabbit hole in my own backyard, which makes it no less of a miracle that the dwarves avoided all those giant ones from rhosgobel rabbits digging everywhere. Hence this story. ;)**

**I do not own the Hobbit or anything affiliated with J.R. Tolkein.**

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"Kili!"

Thorin's shout behind him was the only clue to Fili that little brother was once again baiting death. Since a young age Kili, the thick headed klutz that he was, had landed himself (and Fili, more often than not) in more tangles than the older dwarf could count.

Lately Fili had taken to naming some of the more creative snares they had fallen into, such as the latest embarrassing round which he had dubbed "Caterpillar Appetizers," an event the brothers were still teasing one another about. "Puppy Chow" should have been another one to joke about at a later time, however, it was rapidly growing too deadly for such light hearted titles.

The wargs were growing too close for Kili's safety. Yet even as Fili prepared to dash forward, grab his nincampoop brother and drag him to safety, Kili unleashed a final arrow and fled towards the shelter of boulders. Rapidly Fili gauged the distance between him and the advancing wargs; it would be close, but just enough. Kili would make it time.

He relaxed a moment too soon.

Abruptly Kili stumbled, letting out a startled cry as his right leg twisted haphazardly beneath him.

A sharp crack resounded, thunderous to Fili's ears even against the clamor of the attacking orcs. Time slowed to a sluggish crawl as Kili's eyes widened in shock, his features twisting in a grimace as he fell. Dread instantly flooded Fili's soul. All sounds ceased to exist save the soft thud of his brother's body hitting the ground.

Kili screamed, and the world rushed back into motion with terrifying swiftness.

With a resounding battlecry Thorin rushed to his nephew's side, his sword sinking deeply into the jowl of the first warg that snapped at the fallen dwarf's heels. Vaguely Fili registered that the others had rushed from the safety of the cavern to rescue their comrade, but his eyes were only on Kili. His legs were not moving fast enough, not carrying him the distance neccessary to reach his brother. And he so desperately needed to be at Kili's side at this moment.

_"Do you know what it means to be an older brother, Fili?"_

_ Fili chewed his bottom lip, unsure if it was a good sign that he felt thrilled about the tiny bundle cradled in Mummy's arms. "It means I hafta share you an' Daddy, now?"_

_ Mummy laughed, stroking Fili's hair back and whispering, "It means you are all grown up now, Fili. You are the one whom Kili will look up to; try to mimic; depend on. It is a wonderful responsibility." _

_ "Re-thpon-thi-bul..." He gave up on the word and tilted his head to the side, examining his new little brother. So this was what it meant to be "grown up" now. He did not feel taller or stronger, like Daddy, but he stil liked the idea. It made him feel in charge and important. _

_ "Do you want to hold him?"_

_ Fili stopped short and put his hands behind his back, eyes wide at the prospect. "He's tiny... what if I break him?"_

_ "You will not, Fili." Guiding his hands around the tiny bundle, Mummy showed him how to properly hold Kili, hovering close by nonetheless in case he dropped him._

_ Fili tilted his head to the side, examining in awe and some trepidation the scrunched up face, huge eyes and tuft of dark hair that made up his younger brother. He did not know why everyone thought Kili was so cute; anyone could tell he was not anything like the puppy Daddy had given Fili for his birthday. _

_ Still, there was something about Kili's gaze that captured him. He seemed so tiny and helpless, yet there was a gleam in his eyes that seemed to defy mortality. Even at so young an age Fili picked up on the rambunctious, daring persona that made up Kili, and instinctively he recognized that being a "big brother" involved way more responsibility than the kind and light hearted words of his mother hinted at._

_ Little brother was going to need some __**serious**__ help._

_ "I'm gonna look after you now, Kili," Fili nodded decisively. "Cause I'm all growed up now."_

_ He kept true to his promise in the years to come. _

_ Wherever one brother could be seen, it was predicted that the other was not far behind. If Kili impishly tried to trick his uncle into a thorough dousing, Fili was hiding on the balcony with a bucket of water. If Fili was grounded for one of his pranks, Kili was hiding close by waiting for the perfect moment to grab Mummy's hand and successfully plead his brother's case. If Fili was enduring a sword fighting lesson, Kili was poking at razor sharp arrows until Uncle Thorin finally gave in and included him in the training. If Fili was expected to wash dishes, Kili was tossing them around and launching into another outrageous tale to keep their minds off the mundane task._

_ If Kili was in trouble, Fili was there to drag his sorry hide back to safety. _

Murky brown eyes, darkened with pain, latched onto Fili's and surge of adrenaline lent wings to his feet. The distance between Kili and the rocks was only ten feet.

More than enough time for fate to take an evil twist.

A second warg launched itself forward even as Thorin finished the first one off, the orc on its back keeping him occupied while the warg focused on a more appealing prey.

His movements clumsy with shock, Kili grappled with his sword, failing to pull it out of its sheath. At the last minute he fumbled one of his arrows from his sheath, driving it with lethal precision towards the wargs throat. Powerful jaws splintered the wood like dried leaves, however, the warg's malevolent eyes taunting him with defeat before twin rows of daggers crunched heavily into his shoulder.

Fili shouted in denial, rage hazing his vision as the creature shook his brother like a ragdoll before tossing him several feet away. Kili's screams of agony echoed through the plain before he hit the ground with a sickening thud, rolling a short distance before slamming against the circle of rocks he had been striving to reach only minutes before. He writhed where he lay, face drawn in anguish, trying to curl into himself and letting out a harsh keen as movement only intensified his pain.

Thorin's furious onslaught against the creatures that dared harm one of his kin was drowned out of conscious thought, the shouts of the other dwarves and Gandalf's chanting mere whispers as Fili stumbled forward, collapsing to his knees at his brother's side. His heart dropped like a stone as he saw the jagged twist in Kili's right shin and rivulets of crimson flowing from multiple puncture wounds across his shoulder. Dark eyes, clouded with dillerium yet lit with an unwavering candle of hope, shone with an unspoken plea.

After all, "big brother" could always fix everything.

Fili had sworn from early childhood to look after his sibling, and he had no intent to fail him now. With uncanny gentleness he gathered Kili into his arms, hushing softly as the younger dwarf cried out.

"I've got you," he whispered, the words nothing to him save a desperate repetition to keep his brother conscious. "Everything will be all right. You're safe. I'm going to protect you."

A hand grasped Fili's shoulder and the outside world jolted into place as Thorin dragged him back towards the cave. Blue fletched arrows zipped through the air above them, and vaguely Fili compared them to Kili's own archery skills. There was a rush of darkness and cool air and he realized he was standing in the relative safety of the cavern, Kili lying limp in his arms.

Thorin was at his side in an instant, ripping a makeshift bandage from his tunic and wrapping it tightly around the bloody wounds in Kili's shoulder. "We cannot stay here. The elves will be upon us in a moment."

"Do you expect them to torture a wounded prisoner?" Gandalf retorted in disbelief. "Do not let the stubborness of your forefathers cloud your senses, Thorin! The elves will _help_ you, not imprison you! And might I add that you will need more than mere wizardry to counteract a warg attack this time."

Indecision flickered across Thorin's gaze. Kili whimpered softly in Fili's hold, a fine sheen of sweat already trickling into his hairline as his eyes half shuttered in torment. For an instant Fili thought Thorin might change his mind, but with an effort of will the leader shook his head.

"I will not place my trust in a race that ignored the needs of my people," he said raggedly. "They refused us assistance before; they will not help us now."

"Save us from the stubborness of dwarves!" Gandalf said in aggravation, his staff pounding against the earth with a hollow thunk.

"I will not risk the life of my nephew with a people whom I do not trust," Thorin retaliated, his calm words holding a dangerous ring that no dwarf who valued his life dared to disregard.

"And if Kili dies while you contemplate quarrels of the past...?"

Flinty eyes met stoically with Gandalf's steadfast gaze, and Thorin refused to answer.

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**Reviews go to feed the muse, and the muse in turn tortures Kili. Feed the muse and angst will abound.**


	2. Safe

**The muse has been temporarily satiated and has directed for me to write another cruelly ingenuous chapter.**

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Fate took a terrible, sadistic pleasure in catching you off guard just when you thought your life was under your own control. In the split second it took his foot to stride through empty air Kili recognized that he was in trouble. There was a brief sensation of falling, a dreadful pressure in his leg, and suddenly the world exploded into spiraling fireworks.

_It was just a rabbit hole!_ His mind taunted him, his voice abandoning him for a brief moment as the shock of the injury stole away his breath. _Only a stupid rabbit hole, and you were the only idiot on the face of Middle Earth to be ensnared in it!_

Before he had a chance to tell the voice to _shut up!_ the pain hit full force, a white curtain of torment cutting off the rest of the world.

Kili did not even register hitting the ground. He clenched his jaw against the torture, feeling as though his leg was being sawn in two. Red hot knives lanced from his toes to past his knee, shredding his flesh apart in rivulets of fire. Someone in the distance was screaming... was that his own voice? His throat felt so raw...

Some inner instinct warned him that he should be moving, trying to escape whatever it was he was running from. The slightest twitch of a muscle released an explosion of stars in his vision, however, and the mere thought of moving caused him to whimper in despair.

In the haze of mist someone was shouting... calling his name... he should be answering right now. _Fili... where are you?_

Couldn't he just slip away for a few precious minutes? Just enough time to catch his breath... he would get up in a minute, Fili, he promises... Just a few more minutes to shut his eyes... it was hardly daybreak yet...

Thorin's voice suddenly bellowed close by, _ordering_ him to get up that instant. With a whine of loss Kili was torn from his stupor, clinging to the threads of unconsciousness with a pitiful moan. Something clawed at his boot and he snapped awake, realizing with a jolt that he was still lying on the battlefield waiting patiently to become puppy chow for a nearby warg.

_That would be a good one for Fili. The Adventures in Puppy Chow... I would love to see how he reacts to this little incident._

Even as his garbled mind played tricks with his humor Kili recognized the threat, fumbling for his sword as the warg advanced. His vision kept dipping in and out of darkness, the sun glaring harshly and hampering his vision.

_Too slow... not going to get it out in time... Fili, where are you? _

He knew that if his brother was missing it was hardly Fili's fault; he could be delayed, fighting off a stray orc... injured... _Not the worst, please, not that!_

Yet a small, insecure voice deep within Kili cried out that his brother was _supposed _to be there; protecting him, fighting away the monster snapping at his throat, _being there_ when he felt so lost and alone.

_He's never gone... he's always close by. Always. _

What if the worse had happened? What if...

A sharp keen escaped him at the thought. _Don't leave without me, Fili! You promised you would never leave me!_

_**Move, idiot! **_his mind ordered him. He should be fighting for his life right now, not playing the pathetic pup waiting for a search party to rescue him!

Kili hardly cared about any rescue, however.

He just wanted Fili to be there with him.

"Kili!"

Hope sprang through the clouds and showered rays of tomorrow upon the storms of abandonment. Through the muddy swirls impairing his vision Kili's eyes lit upon his brother, a thrill of relief so tangible it _hurt _rippling through his torn soul.

Fili was here. He was alive. They might be surrounded by the enemy on every side, but the moment his brother stepped onto the battlefield Kili knew he was safe.

He was always safe so long as Fili was there.

_"Not goin', Fili. S'too dark out there."_

_ Fili shook his head, holding a hand up and gesturing for Kili to emerge from his hiding place in the barn hayloft. "It's okay, Kili. I won't let anything hurt you."_

_ Kili shook his head, tousled hair whipping around his face before he all but disappeared into hiding again. "Not goin. S'gonna eat me."_

_ Fili groaned softly, wishing he had thought better of bringing Kili along for storytelling earlier that evening. He loved to listen in on the warrior's tales of evil beasts, dragons and goblins, but a five year old Kili seemed to have taken it into his head that a warg was waiting under his bed to devour him the moment he closed his eyes._

_ ... Hence the barn was a __**much**__ safer place. Right._

_ Kili scrunched up his nose, sensing his brother's doubts. "M'not scared, Fili!"_

_ Fili let out a quiet sigh, the way he always did when Kili got exhuberant about putting butterflies on toast just to see if they __**really**__ made actual butter, or when he knocked over the ash can and coated the room with soot because he tripped over his own two feet, or when he played that Uncle Thorin was an invading orc and got both himself and Fili in trouble because he accidently hit Daddy on the head instead, or when he tried __**really really**__ hard to read stuff like Fili and made himself cross eyed, or when he sampled Mummy's cooking and dumped the entire bowl of flour on his head, or when he ..._

_ "Kili, it's okay. Nothing out there is going to hurt you." Almost as if in afterthought Fili added, "How did you make it all the way out here?"_

_ "Cat."_

_ Mewy, Kili's own cat and-no-one-else's-cat, had been growing bigger and bigger lately and he wanted to know where she ran off to all the time. So he had followed her, walking on his hands and feet cat-like to keep out of her suspicion, until she scrambled into the hayloft. After that..._

_ "You haven't figured out how to get down yet."_

_ Kili's eyes widened and he ducked back into the pile of straw. Fili wasn't supposed to know that! He thought the afraid-of-the-dark game could fool his brother. Fili wasn't supposed to know about the real reason he didn't want to come down. _

_ Kili knew he was being pathetic. Great warriors crossed mountains and fought stone giants on cliffs. They climbed high summits to meet eagles and climbed huge trees to scout ahead. A warrior should never afraid of climbing down a silly little ladder!_

_ Fili snorted lightly and grabbed the ladder rungs, bounding up in moments. Kili ducked his head and snuffled in misery, expecting to be riddled for his fear of heights. Instead Fili settled down beside him, feet dangling over the edge as he studied the barn ceiling._

_ "I'm scared of heights, too."_

_ Kili's head shot up in astonishment. Fili, the one who wasn't scared of anything, was openly admitting he was afraid of the same thing?_

_ "But..."_

_ "It's not easy, knowing there's nothing between you and the splat on the bottom but empty air. I used to hate heights, too."_

_ Kili sniffled again, wriggling closer to his brother's side. In response Fili placed his arm around him and Kili cuddled close, relishing the feeling of being warm and safe and secure in his brother's protective hold. "How'd you get un-scared?" he asked plaintively._

_ Fili smirked. "Uncle Thorin told me that you have to face your fears in order to defeat them. He made me start climbing ropes and trees as part of my training. There wasn't much choice in the matter, actually. Once uncle says you gotta master something... well, there's not much room for argument."_

_ Kili mulled over his brother's words for a moment, peering in trepidation over the edge. In an instant he edged back once more, shaking his head firmly. He wasn't ready to be a warrior just yet._

_ Fili let out that little snort again, sounding amused at his brother's stubbornness Making his way to the ladder he stepped down a few rungs and held out his arms, smiling in encouragement. _

_ "You know, you don't have to face your fears all by yourself. It's okay, Kili. I won't let you go."_

_ One second of hesitation was all Kili needed before he launched himself into Fili's arms, wrapping his arms tightly around his brother's neck and closing his eyes tightly as he tried not to think of the black chasm yawning below. Fili grunted at the added weight but made no comment as he began to descend. Kili could feel himself being lowered slowly as the sound of Fili's hands grasping the rungs told him how far down he was. There were eight rungs to the ladder. He'd counted every one of them while waiting._

_ The soft thud of Fili's boots on the dirt floor indicated that they had reached the bottom without accident. Kili let out a deep sigh of relief, unclenching his hands from Fili's tunic where his sweaty grip had no doubt left deep wrinkles in the fabric. He wasn't ready to let go, though. Not yet._

_ Fili seemed to sense his brother's need to feel secure for just a little longer. He was always good at picking up on how Kili was feeling, which was why Kili was always happier when Fili came to help him instead of Mummy or Daddy. He loved them, too, of course, but his big brother had something special that made Kili feel like Fili understood him just a little bit more. Just a little. But it was enough._

_ "Don't worry, Kili. I won't ever let anything happen to you. Promise."_

The stabbing of a red hot poker coursing through his entire leg shattered Kili's grasp on the memory, pulling him back to a reality where a far greater foe than a ladder awaited him. It was too late for his sword. The flashing teeth were mere seconds from his face, and those seconds were rapidly dwindling away.

_Fili, now would be a good time to remember that promise..._

In a final wretched attempt Kili whipped an arrow from his sheath, driving it towards the wargs throat with a shout that was both animosity and agony combined. The wolf like creature twisted its head to the side, narrowly missing the razor tip, before its stained teeth crunched into the wood and shattered it like a moth wing.

Kili had only a moment to register that he was staring into the eyes of his own death before the warg dove in for the kill.

Instantly he was surrounded by a blinding cloud of light. For the briefest, most blissful moments there was no pain. Then a thousand knives pierced his shoulder to the bone and such fire seared through his leg that Kili was certain it had been sheared off. The plain whipped from side to side and he felt muscle and flesh tearing against the dagger edges pinning him helplessly in the foul beast's maw. He did not even know if he was screaming any longer; if the rawness of his throat was any indication, he had lost his voice long before.

The sensation of being airborne was short live before the ground rushed to meet him. Consciousness left him for one flashing, pain free instant as Kili collided in a tangle of broken and mangled limbs, any hint of awareness alerting him only to a jumble of signals from his body telling him that something was horrifically wrong.

Grey tinged Kili's vision yet the darkness evaded him, denying him the mercy of oblivion he yearned for. Lost in a chasm of anguish, he could only repeat wordlessly the name of the one person he wished was at his side at that moment, the only one who could help him see past the pain and the trauma and remember that there was nothing to fear.

_Fili... Fili... big brother, where are you...?_

Suddenly he was there, kneeling at Kili's side, blocking away the harsh rays of the sun and bringing tears of renewed hope to anguished, pleading eyes. Kili's breath came in rapid spurts, choked with emotion and renewed torment, but his trusting gaze was focused solely on his brother.

Fili was here. No mattered what happened from here on, everything would be all right.

Without a hint of warning Fili gathered him close, a fresh surge of torture surging through Kili's body. He let out a ragged scream, barely able to voice his discomfort any longer, only to hear the whispered words he had so desperately longed to hear.

"I've got you. Everything will be all right. You're safe. I'm going to protect you."

_"...Safe. I'm going to protect you."_

Kili briefly acknowledged the abrupt change from day to night and wondered if he had lost consciousness at some point. The air was cool but dry, and Fili was still holding him close. Kili relaxed in his arms, the pain that had wracked his body for what seemed an eternity finally swept away to relinquish him to that blessed darkness he so craved.

"Stay with me, Kili. I know it hurts, but just stay with me a few more minutes... please."

That quiet, strained plea from his brother was enough for Kili to be willing to endure a thousand years of torment, just to keep the lost, terrified whisper from Fili's voice.

_I'm trying to stay away, Fili. I really am..._

_ "You're safe... I'm going to protect you..."_

_ "... safe ..."_

"Gandalf! Gandalf, he is not breathing!"

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**The muse is evil and must be fed. Feed the muse so that it will allow me to write another chapter.**


	3. Guardian

**The chapters keep getting longer and longer... Clearly the muse is eating well.**

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Fili had not known dread until that moment.

He had lost his brother before, yes; since childhood Kili had a habit of tumbling into rivers, getting stuck in trees and falling asleep in the woods whilst hunting for creatures of legend, but Fili had never come this close to _losing _his brother. _Forever_.

Kili's eyes drifted languidly to his own, blinking owlishly in a futile attempt to obey what his big brother had told him to do and remain alert.

The light in his eyes was dying.

Like a candle flickering bravely in a gust of wind, as though the final sparks were spiriting to life in last act of rebellion before dissapating into cold charcoal.

"No, no, you're not leaving me, not like this," Fili whispered, an icy hand of foreboding clenching his heart as he watched his little brother fade before his eyes. "Stay with me, Kili, you've got to ..."

His words faltered and Fili shook his head frantically, refusing to accept what he was witnessing. He cried out in alarm as Kili's faint, hitched breathing stuttered, then failed to continue. As though bewildered about the commotion being made Kili's gaze drifted towards him, seemingly unfazed about the fact that he was dying right there in his brother's arms.

"Gandalf!" Fili shouted for the wizard's help. "Gandalf, he is not breathing!"

In an instant Gandalf and Thorin ceased their argument and whirled to face him. If at any point in his life Fili had accused his uncle of bearing a heart of stone, he repented of his words a thousand times over.

The blood had drained from Thorin's face, an expression of such unfathomable despair and regret captured in his eyes that Fili could have sworn he caught a flitting glimpse of a broken man, stricken by loss and a responsibility too great for his shoulders alone, standing face to face with the death of another placed under his care. _His own sister's son... her youngest... the one he had sworn upon his very life to protect._

In that brief instant the guard slammed back over Thorin's gaze and he strode forward with the urgency of a man possessed. The small throng of dwarves instantly cleared the path, even Gandalf hastily stepping aside to let him pass. Thorin's gaze was steeled and determined, such as Fili had never seen in his lifetime. An involuntary shiver ran down his spine and he instinctively tightened his grip on his brother.

The madness vanished as a shadow of guilt clouded Thorin's features. Clapping a hand reassuringly on Fili's shoulder he commanded gently but with no room for argument,

"I will take him."

_"I will take him."_

_ Fili shook his head violently, short braids whipping around him. If possible he clutched Kili even closer to himself, elicting a whimper from the injured young dwarf. An inner voice told him there was something wrong with his head, stabbing pain infering with his judgement (not to mention his emotions, as he felt like bawling his head off right now), yet he was unwilling to relinquish his brother to his uncle. _

_ Fili knew he should have been there sooner. He had sworn to protect Kili, had he not? He should have stayed close by, keeping guard so that the moment he heard his little brother's screams he could be at his side. No, even that was not enough. He should not have allowed this to happen in the first place._

_ They had been playing around, Kili practicing with his new bow while proclaiming the entire forest to be an orc fortress. Their day had been so carefree, so __**normal**__. How could Fili have predicted the outcome?_

_ He had been "scouting ahead," Kili's prattling fading into the distance as he shot at imaginary wargs. Fili was not far enough away that he could not be there should he be needed, but it was distance enough to catch a glimpse of their home. He had clambered up a weathered oak tree, scanning the small village and grinning in anticipation as he saw smoke rising from their chimney. Supper time already; time to drag his rambunctious little brother home and call it a day._

_ The snap of metal against bone and the blood curdling scream that followed would haunt his nightmares for months to come._

_ Fili did not comprehend moving; he had the brief sensation of falling, of striking his head on the ground, but past that all he could recall was that one moment he was standing in a tree and the next he was sliding into the clearing, all color draining from his face as he witnessed his brother thrashing on the ground, his leg ensared in the deadly teeth of a hunter's trap._

_ Kili's eyes, stricken with bewildered pain, snapped to his own and broke Fili from his trance. Within moments the young teen was at his brother's side, holding him still, hushing him with whispers of endearment, trying to keep him from looking at the grisly metal encased around his ankle._

_ "F-Fili..." Kili stammered, his body shaking convulsively as shock rapidly overtook him. "H-h-hurtsss..."_

_ The torment in his eyes, the confusion as to how a perfect day could suddenly result in such misery, the trust that his big brother would get him out of this mess just like always; such emotions flooded Kili's expression, tearing at Fili's heart as he realized he did not know what to do._

_ "It will be all... You will be ..._"_ How could he lie and pretend everything was fine when Kili's leg was stretched out before him, blood oozing past metal teeth and the white of bone glinting in the crimson flood? Fili gagged as a wave of nausea threatened to overwhelm him and stumbled to his feet. "I - I'll get help!"_

_ "No!" The panic in Kili's voice struck him like a physical blow. His little brother grabbed his sleeve, utter desolation lacing his voice as he whispered frantically, "Please don't leave me here alone Fili, please, please don't go..."_

_ Fili was at a loss for what to do. He had to get someone to help; he had no knowledge of what to do with an injury like this. At the same time, how could he desert Kili, injured, frightened and alone, as night was swiftly approaching?_

_ There was no room for argument. He could not leave._

_ Sinking to his knees Fili drew Kili closer so that his brother's head was pillowed on his lap, wrenching off his own cloak and bunching it under the younger dwarf's head. Kili whimpered tearfully, trying to be brave and failing miserably, and Fili wrapped his arms tighter around him in response._

_ "I'm here, Kili. I promised I would take care of you, remember? I will not leave you... not now, nor ever."_

_ Kili snuffled and buried his face in the cloak, attempting to hide the streaks of salt water trickling down his face. Fili pretended not to notice the tears; his brother was suffering enough as it was without the added blow to his dignity._

_ "Fili, I want to go __**home**__," Kili murmured, his voice so clogged with longing and supplication for his brother to 'fix it!' that Fili had to swallow against the growing lump in his throat that threatened to choke him._

_ "You will, Kili," he tried to be reassuring. "Mum will send someone to look for us... you'll see."_

_ "How l-long, Fili?" Kili pressed, teeth beginning to chatter as shivers wracked his body._

_ Fili's mouth went dry and he fumbled for a response. How could he explain to his little brother that it might be hours before Mummy got worried enough to request that Uncle Thorin or someone else go and fetch them? Hours? All night? How long would Kili be able to hold on?_

_ Again Fili considered leaving on his own to find an adult. Home was only a few miles distance from here. He could be there and back before darkness fell completely._

_ Kili, ever perceptional despite his age, immediately sensed Fili's intent. "Don't __**go,**__ Fili!" he whined pitifully, grappling a fistful of his brother's tunic as though to hold him in place._

_ "I have to, Kili," Fili argued with remorse. "I cannot get you out on my own. I would only be a few minutes..."_

_ Another sniff before dark, petulant eyes captured his own and held him rooted to the spot. "P-please!"_

_ With a sigh of defeat, Fili's shoulders slumped and he nodded reluctantly. The decision had been made for him; he could not forsake his brother._

_ Hours crept past. Kili's sharp keening dying down into muted whimpers, garbled nonsense lisping past cracked and dry lips as delirium took hold. Fili startled at every rustle in the trees, every chatter of small beasts scampering close by, every twig that snapped in the underbrush. _

_ "It will be all right, I'm here, you'll be fine," he whispered, the litany becoming more of an attempt to keep himself sane rather than a source of comfort for his brother._

_Evening drew near, darkness creeping into the woods with fingers of shadow that clawed at his throat, threatening to drag him and Kili into the merciless dread of the unknown. Sleep eluded Fili, something which the self-imposed guardian might have been grateful for had he not been overwhelmed with terror. _

_ He had to protect Kili. He promised. It was his fault, always his fault. He promised Mummy he would look after him. Kili was hurt now, and it had been his responsibility to ensure his safety. His baby brother was depending on him. _

_ It was growing dark. Kili was afraid of the dark. No, that was wrong. Kili was afraid of heights. That was it. Heights and cats, after Mewy had nearly taken his eyes out for spying on her kittens. _

_ The darkness was alive. It would devour them in moments, separating him from his brother, dooming them never to return home again. Had not father warned him long ago that evil lurked within the forest at night?_

_A series of heavy crackling and the thud of heavy boots trodding through the brush caused Fili to straighten abruptly, Kili letting out a raspy cry as the sudden movement shook him from the warm cocoon of semi-consciousness he had slid into. Instinctively Fili pulled him even closer - if that were possible - yanking his dagger from its sheath and brandishing it towards the approaching threat._

_ It was coming for them. It sought only to devour and destroy, just like the dragons in the warriors' stories. Alone, Kili would never have escaped with his life, but this time, Fili was here to protect him from further harm. He was the only barrier between his baby brother and imminent death. He would not fail him again._

_ "Fili? Kili?"_

_ Broad shoulders blocked Fili's line of vision and a shuddering breath he did not realize he had been holding escaped him in a rush as a familiar tall figure stepped into the coven. _

_ "U-Uncle Thorin...?"_

_ Relief at his uncle's appearance spiked through Fili's head like a tent peg being driven into his skull. It was as though pain had been biding its time until he was no longer needed to be the strong one, as the moment he relaxed his stance a blinding headache crashed upon him like a wave sweeping over sand, dragging away with it all manner of common sense and reasoning._

_ In a single glance Thorin took in the scarlet painted metal and his two nephews, one barely clinging to consciousness and the other wielding a dagger in a wavering grip, looking for all the world as though he had been facing down a ghost. Instantly Thorin moved to kneel in front of Fili, carefully moving his nephew's arm to the side so that the dagger was not pointed at his face before scrutinizing him briefly to ensure he was not severely injured. _

_ "Fili? Fili, look at me." _

_ Fingers were snapping in his face. Since when did Uncle Thorin have an identical twin brother? Fili shook his head and blinked stars out of his vision, Thorin's blurred image splitting apart into three._

_ "Fili, I need you to tell me what happened."_

_ Thorin quickly surmized that nothing sensible would be gained from his eldest nephew. Instead he turned his attention to the crude metal contraption that had become Kili's personal torture device. His fingers skimmed over mutliated flesh, assessing the damage, and a frown creased his brow. Even with so light a touch Kili hissed at the contact, his eyes rolling back in his head as he slumped against his brother. Fili cried out as Kili fell limp against him, frantically checking for a pulse. _

_** No, no, he cannot be gone! Kili, I'm sorry! I'll never let you be hurt again, I promise! Just wake up for me, little brother! Please, just open your eyes for me!**_

_** Don't leave me here all alone...**_

_ Then Thorin's hands were grabbing his shoulders and shaking him out of his panic, the worried yet reassuring words of his uncle drifting through the haze of terror seizing him._

_ "Fili! He is fine! He is merely unconscious."_

_ With a visible effort Fili calmed down, his breath coming in rapid bursts. Thorin spared him another cursory glance to ensure he before would not launch into a second panic attack before grasping the chain of the death trap and yanking it from the ground in one swift pull. The movement jostled Kili's leg and Fili knew his brother should be screaming in agony, yet the young dwarf did not stir. _

_ In his entire young life Fili had never witnessed such an expression of fear in his uncle's eyes. As fleeting as it was, he knew he never wanted to see it again._

_ Thorin reached for Kili, a shield Fili never knew had existed locking away any display of emotion once more. "I will take him."_

_ It took a moment for the words to register before Fili shook his head wildly, ignoring the lancing agony assaulting his head as the forest tilted. He was supposed to be Kili's protector; he could not let him go now. _

_ "Fili."_

_ Somehow that simple, soft command broke through Fili's daze. He may as well have been underwater, so sluggishly was his mind reacting to his surroundings. As though realizing for the first time that his uncle was present, Fili's eyes snapped to Thorin's face and he begged hoarsely,_

_ "P-please... can you help him?"_

_ With tender gentleness so opposite to his great strength Thorin lifted Kili from his brother's arms, cradling him as though handling a fragile butterfly wing as he rose swiftly, his face grey and troubled as he recognized how fleeting was the tiny life cradled in his hands._

_ "On your feet, now," he nodded at Fili, not requiring a response as he knew his nephew would follow._

_ The events which unfolded next passed by in a blur. Fili vaguely remembered trudging alongside Thorin as the lights of the village drew closer, his feet sore and aching and his head spinning like one of Kili's toy whirlers. He faintly recalled his mother's cry of horror as Thorin bellowed for a healer, the warm glow of their home bustling with noise as Kili was rushed to a quieter room while Fili was left forgotten in the corner. _

_ The next thing he knew he was being shaken awake, his uncle's concerned features blurring in his vision as he was carried to his room. The healer poured something vile down his throat and he heard snatches of conversation such as, "Keep him quiet a few days..." and "Nothing time cannot heal... head as hard as stone, that one..." _

_ He recalled calling out for Kili, searching for his brother through one nightmare after another, each ending in the same harrowing shriek that dragged a scream from his own lips as he saw the cliff face crumbling under Kili's feet, the searing flames devouring him before Fili's eyes, the orc tearing his baby brother to pieces. Each time Kili's gaze fastened on him with a childlike faith Fili knew he could never live up to, and he was dragged from his delirium just before the light winked out of his brother's eyes for eternity._

_ Whenever Fili awoke there was someone close by, whispering encouragement and assuring him that Kili was safe, that Thorin had found them in time, that as soon as he was well enough he could go and see him. Sometimes it was mother, with her soft voice and feather light hands pressing a cool compress against his burning forehead. Sometimes it was a friend or neighbor, looking after him while his mother tended to Kili so that she would know that Fili would never wake up and be frightened to find himself alone. _

_ Sometimes it was the shadow of his uncle that Fili recognized, standing off to the side, never speaking, watching with a torn expression that he thought no one could see, putting aside his responsibility as leader to assure himself his nephews would live to see morning._

_ Fili discovered later that his fever lasted nearly a week before he woke fully, and he and Kili gave literally __**everyone **__in their community quite the scare. It had been touch and go for a while for the youngest dwarf, and Fili had not been far behind._

_ The first thing Fili had done the moment he was lucid enough to tumble out of bed on his own was to weave his way haphazardly through the house until he found Kili's room, where his little brother was already awake and __**bored **__and complaining that Uncle Thorin was being bossy by making him stay in his room. Leave it to Kili to have the greater injury and yet still spring up with a new grand list of plans two days later._

_ Too occupied by the knowledge that Kili would be all right, and still suffering the effects of his concussion, Fili looked back to that moment with no further thought than his relief that Kili had lived to trip over his feet another day, and the understanding that he __**clearly **__needed more practice in the art of keeping little brother out of trouble. _

On a number of occasions in the past, Fili had recognized Thorin's vexation that one or the other of his nephews would kill themselves by sheer stupidity before they reached adulthood. It was not until this moment, however, that Fili recognized a mirror visage of the terror he had glimpsed behind the gruff, stern personage of his uncle that night so many years ago, when Kili had nearly been lost forever.

This time, when Thorin reached for Kili there was no reason to hesitate. Even so, it was with grim reluctance that Fili relinquished his brother to Thorin's care. He could read nothing in Thorin's features as the warrior gravely wrapped his arms around Kili's limp body and pulled him away, but there was a certain resolution in his bearing, a weighted tension that screamed of inner torment.

It was a clear indication of what desperate measures Thorin was willing to resort to for the sake of his kin, as he carried his precious burden with the utmost care and sprang forth from their hiding place into the throng of the enemy.

* * *

_**I**_** was going to leave Kili wallowing in misery in the caverns overnight, but the muse appears to have the impression that this offers more drama. **

** Considering that the muse is currently holding hostage the imaginary cardboard cutout of Kili that I pretend to own, I am inclined to agree.**

**Hungry muses chew on plushies and ignore me. Feed the muse so that it will be inspired once more.**


	4. Wings of Eagles

**The muse is tired and wants to go to sleep. The muse appreciates the food the reviewers have offered and is currently gnawing on reviewer-donated plushies and dozing while the author stays up late revising this chapter. Lazy muse.**

**(*Ouch!* ... Never insult the muses. They are evil.)**

* * *

Kili felt as though he were floating, carried in the arms of the wind, watching everything grow distant until it threatened to wink out of existence. In his mind's eye he was standing on the edge of a mountain peak, laughing at the open expanse as he threw his arms out to greet the strong gusts and imagined that he was flying on one of the great eagles of the old tales.

Fili was shouting in the distance, begging for him to return, but Kili did not **want** to leave just yet. Let Fili ruin his boots on the mountain trail if their mission was so important. Right now there was nothing but the thrill of danger, the sensation of weightlessness and the wind calling his name.

"No, no, you're not leaving me, not like this..."

Silly older brother, why was he worrying so? It was hardly as though Kili was going to launch himself into empty air, after all. Fili might have done a marvelous job curing him of his fear of heights, but even _he_ was not that stupid.

"Stay with me, Kili..."

Honestly, if big brother was so concerned about Kili departing without him, then Fili could belay his fears by simply coming up and fetching Kili himself. His brother really should join him and take a look at this view. The wind was marvelous, and the rays of the setting sun were so gentle and warm. Kili felt as though he could take a single step off the cliff and be swept away, as though he had sprouted wings instead of arms and the only danger presented in the great chasm before him was the voice of his brother dragging him back down to earth.

"He is not breathing!"

What kind of idiotic notions had his brother concocted now? Of course Kili was breathing; great gulps of air, in fact, so fresh and pure that he may well have been breathing in the magestic beauty of the mountains themselves.

He felt so light and carefree and absolutely _thrilled_ about life that the cliff edge was looking more and more attractive. Of course he was not acting like a complete dunderhead, Fili. He would never willingly launch himself off a cliff if there was any hint of danger involved.

But there was no danger to be had, not here. Kili merely had to take one step forward and he would be soaring, unfettered as the great eagles and uninhibited by mortal pain.

_Pain. Rivulets of agony, rippling even through the dreams and crushing them like fortresses of sand, leaving him with only empty visions and a pile of useless dust at his feet._

Why did that have to come and interrupt his fantasy?

_Fili._

He had the impression his brother needed him... somewhere...

Confused, Kili backed a step away from the cliff. Fili's voice had been so ... so destitute, so berefit of hope. What was it that was so important that Kili could not remember? It had something to do with his brother...

"_Kili, I... I do not think I shall be coming down just yet."_

_ Kili stamped his foot in agitation, glaring up impatiently to where his brother was plastered against the wall of the cliff some twenty feet above._

_ "We haven't got all day, Fili. The trail is just to your right. Now get a move on, will you? We're already late." Wiggling his eyebrows menancingly, he added in a tease, "Unless you have lately rediscovered your fear of heights, that is."_

_ Fili blanched, and Kili immediately regretted his words. His brothers white knuckled grip clutching the cliff face, his pasty features and his lack of response made it all too clear that Kili had twisted the knife in a pre-existing wound. Fili must be mortified by this sudden revival of his old fears, and rather than help him as Kili would have expected of his brother in a similar situation, he had only caused him further embarrassment._

_ Kili winced in guilt, thinking fast. If he had been Fili in this situation... _

_ Well, whatever method of calming his irrational brother Fili would have used, it was obviously the big brother method, and nothing that Kili could mimic. He could only think of one sensible way to diffuse the tension._

_ Bounding up the rugged trail despite Fili's repeated argument that he was perfectly fine and needed no help getting down, Kili edged along the cliff edge until he was standing next to his brother. He stared over the end of his boots at the roaring turrent below, reliving the apprehension of his childhood and an eight rung ladder. _

_ A scathingly brilliant idea struck him at that moment and a beaming grin stretched from ear to ear before Kili promptly began to scream bloody murder._

_ "What - Kili! Stop it this instant! This is not funny, Kili! Kili!"_

_ Kili doubled over in laughter, wobbling on the cliff edge. He would have toppled in his mirth save for Fili's hand lashing out and snatching the hood of his cloak. Even so he had a close up view of the sharp rocks at the bottom that had him pressing himself back against the cliff face with a much more serious, wide eyed expression than he had previously intended._

_ "Kili, what do you think you are doing?" Fili shouted beside him, twice as scared if possible now that his brother had nearly tumbled head over heels into the raging waters below. "Are you trying to get yourself killed?"_

_ Well, at least Fili's concerns were now focused on a different source. Still, that hardly gave Kili any inspiration on how to get them both down. Turning his gaze to the horizon in an attempt to ignore the crumbling rock under his toes, Kili tried a different tactic._

_ "You know, Fili, it's perfectly normal to be apprehensive about heights. I still get nervous around them myself. You were the one who had to show me how to conquer my fears in the first place, just like Uncle Thorin taught you."_

_ Fili rolled his eyes. He had learned to look fear in the eye and face it down on the battlefield, yes, but Kili really had no place in this argument any longer. Fili may have "conquered" his terror of heights, but Kili had grabbed them around the throat, bundled them up, stomped on them for good measure and then thrown them over the highest mountain peak. As if that were not enough he had taken things one step further and jumped right in after them. Kili had no concept of the word "fear," and Fili had long doubted it was even part of his vocabulary._

_ Realizing the conversation had taken a poor turn, Kili glowered at the waterfall in irritation. Honestly, how long would it take his brother to learn that he was trying to __**help**__ him, not make things worse? Giving up on the humor attempt and sound advice, he sighed and laid down his final bargaining piece._

_ "Remember when I was stuck on the roof that one time, and you had to sit with me until dark because I refused to come down with you? Uncle Thorin finally had to come climb up there himself to rescue us." Kili's brow furrowed and he mentioned, "Now that I think about it he gave us a lecture that rang in my ears for a week."_

_ "Yes," Fili grudgingly assented, "And if I recall correctly, you swore never to be mischevious again... fifteen minutes before you broke into a high cupboard trying to reach the sweets Mother had hidden away."_

_ "All right, then... What about the time in the hayloft when you had to carry me down the ladder?"_

_ "I am __**not**__ going to be seen piggybacking on your shoulders just to get off this cliff, Kili!" How much more humiliation did his brother think could a dwarf could take?_

_ "All I am saying," Kili reasoned, "Is that it is perfectly normal to be afraid of heights. You remember when I was younger; you had to carry me downstairs every night because I was convinced I would fall to my death."_

_ "You were a toddler at the time," Fili corrected grudgingly, "And you were only afraid that the 'invisible gobbler' at the bottom would eat you. As I recall you bounded down those stairs three at a time during the day, and you nearly broke your neck on more than one occasion because you slipped on your own stockings."_

_ "Oh," Kili paused, thinking back. "I suppose I was a little more rash back then."_

_ Fili snorted. "Only a little?"_

_ Kili chuckled, shaking his head. Turning to his brother he said in all seriousness, "Being afraid of something is nothing to be ashamed of, Fili. I shall never think the less of you for it." With a quirk of a smile he added, "You will still my big brother, as always... I cannot help but look up to you, no matter what. Remember this, though: no one ever said that you have to be the strong one at all times."_

_ Fili's only answer was silence, his gaze thoughtful. After a moment he gave a sheepish grin, scoffing lightly as he always did when Kili had some brazen idea that amused him. "So, I suppose we shall fumble our way down together, then? Like old times?"_

_ "Like old times," Kili agreed, smiling in relief._

_ Casting his brother a glare that was only half-hearted, Fili mumbled under his breath, "Uncle had better not hear a word of this." _

_ Kili laughed, eyes dancing with mirth. "If he did, you could always tell him you had to carry me down instead, and that I screamed my head off like a little girl the entire time."_

_ Fili snorted, grinning in spite of himself. "Aye, now that he would believe..." _

The memory washed over Kili like a slap of cold water. For a moment he was disorientated, uncertain as to why he had followed the eagle's call to a mountain peak. Fili must be growing tired of waiting for him. Any moment he would come tramping along, rolling his eyes at his brother's thick headed schemes and dragging Kili away from disaster's edge.

Fili was certainly taking his time about it, though.

_"_Kili... Now look here, you stubborn, half-witted little brat, you..."

A sob broke in, a wrenching, hopeless sound that twisted Kili's heart.

Fili was crying.

Instantly Kili whirled around, searching for his brother.

Only to discover that he was alone at the cliff.

"Fili?"

Alarm coursed through him, and Kili raised his voice to the heavens, shouting for the voice he knew so well yet could not reach.

"Fili!"

"...You... you cannot leave just yet, Kili, do you hear me? I absolutely forbid it! I ... I can even bring Uncle Thorin in here to back me. You would hate that, wouldn't you? I..." Another sob broke free, the guilt ridden words more difficult to force past choking tears. "I dragged you out of that stupid hayloft... and the forest, remember the bear trap? I'll haul your sorry hide out of the the Mansions of Aulë if I have to!"

A harsh keen broke Fili's words, the dire note of futility. The despair in acknowledging that no matter what he did, it was already too late. He had failed.

Suddenly Kili remembered what had happened. He remembered razors of pain swiping through his flesh, the crack of bone like thunder in his ears and a fearsome scream he could hardly recognize being torn from his own throat. He remembered longing to do something, to twitch or to moan, to prove that he would be all right, only to watch Fili's pride shatter as he pleaded for his brother to remain with him just a little longer.

And Kili remembered why he must go back.

Fili was calling for him; needed him. Hoping against bitter hope that his little brother would understand his weakness and come to his aid.

This time, there would be no light hearted teasing serving to embarrass his older sibling.

This time, Kili would answer.

* * *

The wind and clouds of freedom were suffocated in a gust of darkness, leaving him fumbling and lost in a sea of pitch black. A hand was spread across his face, grabbing hold of him while words chanted in an unfamiliar tongue dragged him against his will back to a world of torment and fire, of wracking pain and light that seared his eyes, of Fili's tear ridden voice and the nagging guilt that somewhere along the line he had messed up terribly.

Kili let out a low groan as air was forcibly shoved into his lungs, blinding rays of sunlight piercing through visions of soaring eagles and shattering dreams of peace into a thousand irreparable shards.

More words drifted through his consciousness, numbing the whiplashes of searing agony and soothing the shock of sun-breathed, warm air being re-introduced to his ravenous lungs. He heard Fili screaming his name before calloused and battle scarred hands, far different than the light and unfamiliar touch that had pulled him from the light, yanked him into such a crushing and fervent embrace that he knew instinctively that he was safe in the arms of his brother.

_"Fili..._"

He wanted to shout out to his brother, to assure him that was fine, that he no longer needed to worry. He lacked the strength, however, and could only listen helplessly as Fili's wracked sobs shook his entire body while he clutched his brother in an unrelenting grip and whispered his thanks to every higher power in Middle Earth.

Kili thought he heard his uncle's voice in the mele; cracked, husky words of grattitude. But that was impossible... right? He had never heard Uncle Thorin use such a manner of tone before; it was literally impossible. The fever must be playing tricks with his mind.

It mattered little; Fili was here, and that was all that he cared about. In the end, after all, that was all that would ever matter.

His brother had called, and Kili had answered.

* * *

**The muse is sleeping and must be given caffeine and reviews to munch on in order to wake up and hit me over the head with new inspiration.**

**... (Which we actually discussed between us earlier today, now that I think about it ... So give the author the caffeine and reviews so she can write on, and let the muse sleep a little longer so it can think about chapter 6.) ;)**


	5. Grief

**This chapter was **_**supposed**_** to be from Fili's point of view, but the muse got ahold of that hazelnut espresso some of my wonderful reviewers sent to me and now my laptop is no longer my own. (Augh! Satisfy the muse so that I can get back to Fili's POV!)**

* * *

The moment he took Kili from his brother and strode from the cave Thorin was filled with a sense of an eerie calm. His mind was clear, sharper if possible than before the mayhem had warped order into catastrophe. The weight settling upon his heart was only the heavier for it, however, for he knew that the frail, limp body in his arms was the result of his mistake; a responsibility that was his alone to bear.

Kili was only a boy; his sister's youngest son. He had sworn to D_i_s the day before he left that he would protect both her sons with his life, but for Kili there had been an unspoken emphasis. Thorin knew all to well that his nephew was attracted to trouble like a moth to flame. If danger was not in his immediate vicinity, he scouted it out until Fili or another dwarf had to come and rescue him.

Thorin was grateful that Fili had agreed to accompany him on this quest. Admittedly, if his eldest nephew had declined the invitation Thorin may well have ordered him on pain of banishment to tag along and babysit his irrational brother. Fili seemed to have a way of preventing Kili from inciting the worst of hazards, and the younger likewise had a calming effect on the elder whenever he close by. There was a deep, invisible bond between the brothers that Thorin would never fully understand. Indeed, they were nigh inseparable, and so alike were they in their wit and loyalty that Thorin sometimes entertained the thought that D_i_s had secretly birthed twins.

It was a bond that was never meant to be severed.

In the space of but a few agonizing minutes Thorin had watched helplessly as childhood illusions of safe return were made void against the snarls of an orc's hound, as hope was vanquished in a throe of blood and screams and the sun was blotted out in a wreath of shadow.

When the fateful words had escaped Fili's lips and Kili drew breath no more, Thorin had sprung into action without hesitation. He had sworn to D_i_s that her sons would return to her alive, and he would see that vow fulfilled. Failure had never been an option.

The sudden transformation from darkness to light was anticipated. Even so, as Thorin leapt from the cave into the garish sunlight he cursed his vision for failing him as the pounding hooves of the elves' horses thundered over the plain. Thorin blinked furiously against the watering in his eyes and allowed himself the pretense that it was only from the stinging and not the grief in his heart that a droplet threatened to escape.

Running footsteps and heavy breathing instantly told him that Fili was at his side, standing by his brother even at the bitter end. The faint streaks of tears would not be passed off as a lie; Fili was not one to hide his sorrow.

_It would be folly if he did_. His nephews were too close for Thorin to accept any less devotion. Had Fili been the one dying instead, Thorin suspected that Kili would have hunted down every last warg until he too was slain and permitted to rejoin his brother in the afterlife. It was a kinship that was unmatched by any other Thorin had known, and it only confirmed what he had already decided.

Kili would not be permitted to die. Any thought otherwise was out of the question.

With unprecidented skill the elves had drawn their horses in, encircling a tight ring around the dwarves who had mysteriously popped out of the ground. Ten dwarves followed Fili in quick succession, weapons at the ready should their leader require assistance. Even Bilbo trotted up at the last, hands flexing nervously around his short sword, looking torn between awe and the urge to bolt at the drop of a feather.

As the ring of horsemen drew closer Gandalf swept to Thorin's side, his mannerism completely at ease despite the direness of their situation. A nagging suspicion regarding how much the wizard knew crossed Thorin's mind before he batted it away. For the time being there were more important matters at hand.

The helmetted warriors checked their horses with expert precision, arrows strung at their bows but not yet drawn taut. Fili's expression was a mingled of demand, anticipation and the dread of hopes that had yet to be dashed. Thorin took care to ensure his own features were composed, for they were already at the mercy of the elven commander and it would only worsen their situation if he knew of how fervently they desired his help.

One of the elves, who bore a regality which indicated he was a high ranking commander at the least, urged his steed forward. He removed his helmet and regarded the small company of dwarves with a stern, if bemused expression.

"Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thror," he greeted formally, his sharp eyes analyzing the battered company with such a keen sense of a discernment that several of the younger dwarves shifted uncomfortably. "For what purpose would a band of dwarves to travel in these parts? You are far from your own land."

"That matter is of no concern to you," Thorin replied tersely, staring the elf down in challenge. "One of my company has been injured. I am ... requesting that he be brought to a healer at once."

If the commander had the impression that Thorin would beg for his help, he would be better off ordering the Lonely Mountain to bow in his presence.

The commander made no such demand of him, rather dismounted from his horse and approached gravely. Fili tensed besides Thorin, and he shared his nephew's discomfort. He would not willingly have entreated the enemy's help, but he had no other choice in this matter.

"How did he come by these injuries?" The commander inquired, his flinty gaze rapidly assessing the wounds. "A warg, by the looks of his shoulder."

"He was indeed wounded by the same wargs you chased off, Lord Elrond," Gandalf supplied.

Thorin's gaze shot up at the title. _Lord_ Elrond? This was no mere commander standing before him, but the ruler of Elvenkind in this land. Thorin realized what shaky ground he was petitioning on, and how fragile Kili's chances were. If the king of the elves refused to help them, there was no cause left. As much as his pride detested the fact, Thorin could not take the risk of losing his favor.

"As for his leg, he stumbled in a ... well, a rabbit hole." Gandalf finished, his words slightly muffled at the end.

Thorin winced slightly at the admission. A grand, heroic demise for a warrior indeed, catching his foot in a rodent den. The elves would never let them hear the end of it.

There was no humor in Elrond's gaze, however, as he pulled back the scarlet rag binding Kili's shoulder and examined the wound. The fresh tang of blood was overwhelming, and Thorin could not detach his mind from the fact that it was his nephew who lay dying after defending _him_ on a quest that _he_ had initiated. He had been the one to request that Fili and Kili join him in this task, and for that Thorin could never forgive himself. Even if Kili had pestered him into madness he should never have allowed them to come.

Elrond's face was clouded with the shadow of doubt and Thorin was prepared to deny the truth before him and order the elf, king or not, to save his nephew by any means neccessary. Rather than proclaim it was too late to even attempt to revive the young dwarf, Elrond indicated for Thorin to set Kili down upon the dried, crinkled grass.

Thorin's grim reluctance was starkly visible in his fiery gaze as he gently laid Kili on the ground, his ready stance daring the healer to proclaim that his nephew had passed on. A lesser being would have cowered at the sight, but Elrond had faced bloodshed and war and knew too well how fiercely the dwarven race protected their own, particularely when their lives of kin were at stake.

Kili's face was frighteningly pale, his eyes now closed and his breath - if any - so faint that it would seem his soul was already wandering the halls of Aulë. Foreboding as Thorin had not experienced in a decade closed like a vise around his throat and he knew that desperation shone in his eyes with unrequited fire as he looked to Elrond for a sign of promise. The elf lord offered him no such comfort, his face grey with premonition that he was already too late.

Fili had dropped to his knees beside Kili's head, clutching his brother's hand in a grip that neither elf nor orc could tear away. If Thorin was considered a force to be reckoned with, those who crossed paths with Kili's brother would perish from his avid glare alone. Elrond did not attempt to force Fili to leave the wounded dwarf's side; indeed he would have fared better facing down an army of orcs single handed.

Such devotion ringing true in Fili's eyes brought a wave of nostalgea to Thorin's own, as the memory of two rambunctious children, whose happiness was wholly dependent on one another's safety, carried him back to another, almost equally disasterous occurence.

_"M'not *k-choo!* c-cold, Fili!" _

_ Kili, soaked and shivering from his recent 'unintentional' traipse through an icy river, no less firmly protested against the vehemently bright colored evil thing with which the brother whom he thought he could trust with his life now sought to suffocate him. _

_ "Hush up," Fili berated, attempting to wind a third blanket around his wriggling kid brother, who in turn was set and determined to rid himself of the confining material._

_ "Explain to me again how you two managed to 'accidentally' fall into a river you were forbidden to go near," Thorin ordered after watching the hopeless cause for a few minutes. _

_ He cast a meaningful glare at both his nephews, but the question itself was directed at Fili who was __**supposed**__ to be keeping his younger sibling out of trouble. The two should have known better than to play outside in the middle of a cloudburst against their mother's orders, let alone after dark and so close to a river engorged with recently thawed snow._

_ Kili abruptly clapped his mouth shut, executing his best manner of defense by sinking into his coccoon of blankets until he resembled a puppy eyed catterpillar. He might have managed to pull the 'I'm cute and tiny and I should be hugged to death instead of lectured' tactic with his mother, but Thorin was immune to such methods. _

_ Well, almost. There was a reason besides the question of irresponsibility that caused him to focus his attention on Fili instead. Lamenting, sorrowful eyes welled up with tears of abuse could only be ignored for so many minutes._

_ Forcing himself to ignore the sniffling bundle of pity that Fili instinctively put one arm around and pulled closer, Thorin rephrased his previous question._

_ "Were you not warned to stay away from the river? I told you to look out for your little brother, not stand back uselessly while he drowns himself! If your mother had not sent me out looking for you two, this conversation would never have taken place as you would be attending his funeral instead!"_

_ Fili drew in a sharp gasp, his face paling at the very thought. Kili whimpered and burrowed further into his warm sanctuary of blankets, trusting in his young mind that if he hid from his troubles they would never find him. Ignoring the -tut- of warning from D_i_s, Thorin continued,_

_ "Do you understand me, Fili? Your brother could be __**dead**__ right now and nothing you could do would ever change that!"_

_ Thorin knew only too well how accurate was his warning. He had witnessed more death than could be recorded between the dragon's attack and the seige of Moria, and as much as he wanted his nephews to avoid the scarring of their harsh past at so young and naiive an age, Fili had to learn the consequences of his actions before his irrational behavior killed them both._

_ "M'sorry," Fili mumbled, the toe of one boot scraping the floor while he stared at a patch of dust collecting at his feet._

_ Thorin sighed and relented, deciding the boy had heard enough. Fili was still a child, after all, and could not fully understand the guilt and heartache that would have followed the death of his younger sibling._

_ Then again, given what happened to their father, perhaps his nephew understood the implications a little __**too**__ well. Fili's gaze remained fixated on the floor, neither pleading his case supplicating for his mother to rescue him. Tears swam in his miserable eyes, glittering in the flickering illumination of the fire. It appeared that Fili knew with grim certainty __**exactly **__what could have happened, and he was tearing himself up for his mistake._

_ Thorin was at a loss for what to do now, except perhaps to pat his nephew on the head and send him to his room, hoping that sleep would eraze the worst of his trauma. He had never had children of his own, and sometimes he wondered if he was too harsh with his nephews._

_ Kili chose this moment to have his say in the matter._

_ "Stop yelling at Fili."_

_ Thorin was taken aback and Fili's head shot up, while D_i_s hid a smile behind her hand as Kili emerged from his blanket tomb and fixed his adorably furious glare on his uncle._

_ "Stop yelling at Fili," he repeated with cute firmness, unaware or uncaring that he had just barged through every respectful barrier upheld in the kingdom. _

_ "See, now he's sad an' I'm not gonna be able to play with him tommorrow cause he'll be practicing an' he won't even look at me, he'll just tell me to "Stay in the house and don't get inta trouble, Kili," an' I was the one that ran out of the house in the first place an' he had ta come get me because I was playing by the river and I wanted ta catched a tadpole, an' then I felled in cause the thunder boomed really loud and he was gonna jump in after me but you got there first so he did'na get the chance. So you can't get mad at him because he tried ta rescueded me."_

_ Pausing only now to draw breath, Kili folded his arms across his chest with a 'humph!' and sat back, convinced that that he had defended his brother quite efficiently._

_ Thorin stared mutely at his youngest nephew, uncertain whether he should be congratulating the witty child or lecturing Kili for speaking against his elders. To his relief D_i_s spoke up before he had the chance._

_ "Fili, is this true?"_

_ Fili was engrossed in the intricate pattern of his boots. "I still didn't get him in time," he murmured dejectedly._

_ "Yes, he did!" Kili crowed, grabbing Fili's arm and clutching it as though his life and honor depended on Fili sitting right-by-him-and-nowhere-else. "He tried to jump and Unca Thorin pushed him back!"_

_ D_i_s looked to Thorin, and with a flush of chagrin he admitted that Kili was telling the truth. He had not realized Kili had once again been the sole instigator of the matter, however, and felt guilty for rebuking Fili so harshly. _

_ Shaking her head and no doubt wondering how she had managed to raise two such young rabble with their numbskull of an uncle, D_i_s absolved the matter with a swiftness that Thorin admired._

_ "Fili, change out of those wet clothes and head to bed before you catch cold. You are not in trouble for what happened."_

_ Relief at the unexpected show of mercy shone in Fili's eyes and he glanced towards Thorin, who shrugged apologetically and nodded towards a hyperactive Kili who was determined that a celebration was in order with some of Mummy's bestest deserts._

_ D_i_s, however, was not finished with her youngest. "Kili, you knew better than to play by the river. Did I not tell you a thousand times already __**not**__ to go outside in the rain?"_

_ Immediately the child ducked under the covers again, dark, pleading eyes peeking out in hopes of forestalling Mummy's judgement. D_i_s was not to be put off this time._

_ "Tommorrow you will assist Balin with his records. Whether he wishes for you to read to him, practice your writing or merely sit in the corner and do nothing, I expect you to do what he says until I come for you. That will be your punishment."_

_ "Aw, Mum, not that!" Kili wailed, dreams of hide and seek and goblin fights flitting out the window while the promise of a day filled with fun and games waved goodbye with a mocking laugh._

_ Thorin chuckled at his youngest nephew's dismay, remembering a time when he had been grounded with the record's keeper as punishment for not watching out for D_i_s properly. That time it had been his fault; she had been playing contentedly by the river when he had spooked her and accidentally made her take one step too far back... Well, he just as soon would not revisit that particular memory. _

_ Thorin had held much less respect for his sister in the past than he had seen reflected in his young nephews. The boys were so young, yet already they had made it clear that they would go to ludicrous efforts - even if it meant accepting the entire blame whether or not punishment was deserved - to protect one other. It was something Thorin felt he had missed during his own childhood, and which he counted as Fili and Kili's greatest strength. _

That same unerring loyalty Thorin had glimpsed years before now shone clear in Fili's trusting gaze as Elrond placed a hand over Kili's face. His eldest nephew's tear streaked features proclaimed that in his mind there was no room for failure; that any moment little brother would bound to his feet with a new wild scheme and another scar to add to his collection, his eyes wild and carefree and a world to be explored just waiting at his fingertips. Kili had more lives than a cat, and surely nothing so trivial as the recent attack would hold him down for long.

Thorin had to swallow back a tidal wave of emotion that threatened to burst free of its fetters. He could not share the same unbridled hope as his nephew. He could not look at the world as a plain of opportunity and visions that would come true if he only believed in them. He had seen too much death, too much reality, and when death presented itself in cruel finality he had no other choice but to accept the inevitable.

Elrond's features darkened, and even as he called in the Elvish tongue for Kili to return Thorin knew they were too late. Tears sprang to his eyes and with an inmeasurable effort he fought them back. For Kili's sake he should not batten down his emotions; the boy deserved no less than his broken, honest grief. Even so he _had _to remain strong, to hold the company together in the midst of tragedy.

Thorin did not realize a few tears had escaped his iron hold until Balin's hand clasped his shoulder, offering what little comfort he could. Thorin shrugged it away, wanting to order the elder dwarf to leave him be but not trusting his own voice. Fili's stricken pleading, imploring Kili to return to him, his words punctuated by harsh, contained sobs every time he drew breath, tore at Thorin's heart and mocked him, accusing him of his failure. He was the leader; he had initiated this mad quest in the first place. He had owed a responsibility to his nephews, and especially to their mother, to see to their safe return. For one of them to be torn away was like a wound cut deeper than the heart, a twisted blade of guilt and unmeasurable loss stealing away his breath.

He was a fool to embark on this quest, and no gold under the mountain could replace what was lost.

For the first time since he proposed the mission to Balin, Thorin understood that there was a sacrifice too great to pay for the home of his past. Some lives were better left unavenged, and some mountains were intended to remain empty.

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**Note to self: The muse does NOT get coffee again! Ugh, I had to make this a two part chapter in the end; one part for Thorin and the upcoming part for Fili's POV. Annoying little muses, drink all the coffee and then steal my laptop to boot.**

**Feed the muse so that it will give me my story back! **


	6. Hope

***Snatches laptop away from muse and examines tooth marks mournfully. Glares at the ceiling and shakes off muse that has latched onto arm.***

***Muse slinks away and scarfs down mountain of food that Kili - yes Kili - donated.***

**(Check the reviews for that last part. Someone wrote an entire script and I thought it was quite hilarious.) ;)**

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Like the weight of a mountain crushing his spirit, the pitying hand on Fili's shoulder proclaimed that which he would not accept. He refused to look behind him at Bofur's red rimmed, sympathetic gaze, for to see the evidence of tragedy was to accept that Kili was gone forever and nothing in the world would ever bring him back.

The realization stole the air from Fili's lungs in a crushing fist that was worse than a physical blow. Never again would Kili's impish grin ring through halls of stone, nor his wily pranks send the two brothers racing for their lives with Thorin bellowing after them. No longer would Kili's infectuous laughter cheer his heart on the gloomiest of days. There was no more need for Fili to shout his brother down from his high perch in a tree, nor to drag him from the verge of a cliff lest he fall. No more jokes and riddles, plate throwing contests or games of 'see who can annoy Thorin by being the most not-quietest'.

Never again would he be needed to carry a frightened Kili down from the hayloft, for the high spirited child with the flinty, daring eyes had climbed to heights where Fili could not follow. His baby brother was making this journey without him, and perhaps that was what hurt most of all.

A sob broke through, heralding a torrent of memories that bombarded Fili. _Kili playing frog in the river before instigating a splashing contest that resulted in one of Balin's carefully written scrolls crumbling into soggy pieces. A still younger Kili cuddling up with only his eyes peeking out of a pile of blankets, as he and Fili huddled beside the roaring fire on a freezing winter day and munched stolen sweets while weaving tales of "cobdoblins" and "sporcs." Hide and seek games in the village, skirting around the human children and loudly proclaiming, "Only dwarves allowed!" _

And then there were the kitchen escapades, which Fili remembered all too well. Fresh tears coursed down his cheeks and he wondered if he was losing his mind, as a ragged, broken chuckle forced its way through the pain. How he remembered their childhood drama, and how their poor mother would be driven nigh to madness by their erratic behavior; particularely when Uncle Thorin became involved.

_"See, we sneak in an' grabs one, an' then we run back 'fore Mummy - erm, before the evil - but very pretty - globller ever sees!"_

_ Armored in a sheepskin vest and a ridiculous floppy hat and brandishing a wooden spoon, Kili no doubt considered himself a most formidable figure. With his own small dagger and a dented helmet he had found in a trader's shop, Fili was half convinced that his brother was right. They were indeed a band of two rugged thieves, searching for hidden treasure and conducting a midnight snack raid on the unsuspecting - but very pretty - globbler commander._

_ "Okay... now!" Kili announced, making to spring from his hiding place and thwart Mewy the evil warg cat and her spawn before breaking for the luscious scents wafting from the kitchen._

_ "Whoa, hold on a moment!" Fili grabbed Kili's too-large vest and dragged him back into hiding, shushing him before the terrible warg-cat leader could notice their presence. "We need a strategy, remember? If we jump in now then Mum-the commander will see us and then the game's up."_

_ "Right!" Kili agreed readily, eyes wide as saucers as he held a finger to his lips and hissed for silence. His all-too-serious expression was ruined by the hat ears that flopped comically in his eyes, and Fili had to muffle a chuckle._

_ "Shh!" Kili insisted, glaring at Fili for his impertinence before crawling on his hands and knees towards the table where golden brown treasure lay. _

_ Fili was close behind, following in a more dignified manner and glancing about furtively for any sign of the kittens. One cry of alarm from the little rascals and they would be discovered. Their punishment? A fate worse than death. Scribes for Fili, and the chair in the corner where Kili would be doomed to sit for a full half hour. He did not think his brother could survive another session of torment, but it would be worth the risk if they could only lay their hands on the decadent treats awaiting them._

_ Kili made a final dash across open space, pressing himself against a table leg and nodding to Fili that it was safe to cross. Fili joined him with increasing nervousness, knowing that they had sparse seconds before Mother returned. Kili was now jumping on tiptoe and pawing at the cookies which lay just beyond his reach, growling in frustration when his grasping hand fell short of the warm deserts. _

_ "Filiiiiii! I can't reach!"_

_ "And just what is it that you are so determined to acquire, Kili?"_

_ Kili whirled around with a gasp, clasping his hands behind himself as his breath came in short bursts of panic. Fili, too, stumbled in horror at their mother's curt rebuke. They had been discovered!_

_ D_i_s regarded them with __**the**__ raised eyebrow, the herald of doom that every young dwarf learns to fear by the age of three. Fili gulped hard and stepped to the side to hide Kili behind his back, plastering what he hoped was a convincingly innocent smile on his face._

_ "Um, we were just... heading... outside?"_

_ Kili poked his head around Fili and nodded furtively, hoping their excuse would stave the wrath of the globbler queen. D_i_s folded her arms, avoiding eye contact with her youngest son with only the greatest of difficulty. She regarded their costumes with critical amusement._

_ "I take it you two warriors have a reason for being in the kitchen when I explicitely told you not to spoil your dinner?"_

_ Their motives had been laid out on a stone platter, and Fili cringed as he realized there was no point in hiding the truth. Mummy hated it when her sons lied to her, and they were in enough trouble as it was._

_ "We were..."_

_ "Practicing their stealth techniques as I told them to."_

_ Never had Uncle Thorin's gruff voice been such a joy to hear. Fili and Kili whirled around as their uncle strode through the door, winking at them and snitching a cookie as he entered. D_i_s gave him __**the**__ look and Thorin returned an unapologetic smile before taking a large bite, crumbs spraying all over his beard and giving him the impression of an errant child taunting the babysitter with a blatant display of audacity. D_i_s huffed and turned away in mock fury, a smile twitching at her lips as Thorin complimented,_

_ "Delicious as always, sister."_

_ "You will spoil your appetite," D_i_s rebuked. Fili had the impression they had held this argument before._

_ Thorin merely grinned, stuffing the rest of the cookie in his mouth before reaching for another._

_ "You should chew, first," Kili piped up, pointing out the rule Mummy made him obey at the dinner table._

_ Thorin faltered and glanced towards D_i_s, swallowing with an effort before questioning, "You always encourage him to disrespect his elders?"_

_ D_i_s cover her face with her hands, moaning in dismay, "Kili, how many times must I tell you __**not **__to correct your uncle?"_

_ "But he was smacking!" Kili argued. "An' he took two cookies when you only let me an' Fili have one! He'll ruin his apa-te-ti-tie!"_

_ Thorin hid muffled snorts of laughter behind one hand, snatching two more cookies while D_i_s was distracted. "Listen to your mother, kid; do not correct your uncle."_

_ "You are __**such**__ a role model for them," D_i_s bit back dryly, daring him to make one more twitch in the general direction of the plate. Thorin knew better. There was a dough roller set aside for pesky intruding brothers and Thorin had been on the receiving end of his sister's temper more than once during his younger days. _

_ Tapping his nephews on their shoulders Thorin nodded hastily towards the door, winking at D_i_s as he suggested, "Training. Outside. Now. Let your mother finish her work."_

_ "You are forgiven," D_i_s said with a smile, instantly won over with the promise of having a few minutes to work in peace without having to ensure Kili was not falling out the window nor Fili dragging his braids through a well of ink. _

_ Fili beamed from ear to ear while Kili shouted in delight as he grabbed Thorin's hand and urged him to 'hurry faster so they could start'. Somehow their uncle had managed to divert disaster yet again; for as Kili often proclaimed, there was no one smarter than Uncle Thorin. Especially when he slipped them the two cookies he had set aside, shushing for them to withhold their excitement lest their mother find out._

_ Kili immediately deduced the proper manner for concealing his prize by stuffing the entire cookie in his mouth, assured that so long as the stolen delicacy was no longer in his hands it was completely invisible to Mummy's all knowing gaze. Fili had a sneaking suspicion of what would happen next, and he was right by Kili's side slapping his brother on the back the moment the younger dwarf began choking._

It was cruel how the fondest, light hearted memories were the ones that struck Fili the hardest. Perhaps the worst memories were of D_i_s in the end. He remembered with a knifing pang how she would cuddle Kili close and kiss him on the cheek whenever he held out his arms to her, how she always told him an extra story at night to help him sleep or slipped him something tasty when no one else was looking. D_i_s seemed to know that each day spent with her sons was precious, and that it was only a matter of time before one or the other would be taken from her.

Fili never anticipated that he would return alone to face his mother with the revelation that only one of her sons had come back to her; that her baby, her sweet youngest, was buried far from home without even a proper tomb to remember him by. Without a chance for her to stroke his hair back one last time, to kiss his forehead and assure him that she had always been proud.

Choking tears surged Fili's vision and he broke down, half-garbled words forced from his closed throat as he pleaded one last time for his brother to open his eyes.

_"_Kili..." He bit back another sob, fighting to compose himself, as though Kili would open his eyes any moment and ask why was he crying when it was obvious Kili had only been teasing him with another of his clever jokes. "Now look here, you stubborn, half-witted little brat, you... You... you cannot leave just yet, Kili, do you hear me? I absolutely forbid it! I ... I can even bring Uncle Thorin in here to back me. You would hate that, wouldn't you? I..."

Even if he could have seen past the mist of tears blurring his vision, Fili could not bear to meet Thorin's eyes. To see the devastation in his uncle's gaze would surely break him, for it would confirm that Kili had departed, that Fili had lost him forever, and that not even one so wise and strong as Thorin could reverse it. At least for now Fili could pretend that his brother was still alive, pulling one of his infamous jokes, ready to laugh his head off at him for being so gullible.

Fili longed to say more but words failed him, and he could only release a keen of such agony and desertion that it would have broken Kili's heart had he heard it. His brother _must_ be hearing him, though, for Kili had never left his calls unanswered. He would come when Fili requested, wouldn't he...?

... _Kili... please_...

The slightest inhale, followed by a gutteral moan froze the passage of time. Fili stilled abruptly, not daring to breath. Surely his mind was playing tricks on him in this hour of desolation.

Elrond's eyes shot open and his incantations increased in volume, a stuttering exhale escaping Kili's lips before his eyelids trembled and he cringed against the radiant sunlight.

Later on Fili would comprehend the fact that he had shoved an elven king to the side in his haste, and that he had rudely interrupted Elrond's healing session in his fervor to reach his brother. His only thought for the moment, however, was to clutch Kili to himself and confirm his eyes did not deceive him; that little brother had once again stared death in the face and stolen the victory.

Fili was only half aware of the wracking sobs shaking his body as he nearly crushed Kili in a fierce hold, repeating his brother's name over and over and whispering his gratitude to Mahal, Ilúvatar and every higher power that he could think of for giving him another chance. He assured himself that he would never fail in his task again, that even if he had to tie Kili to a tree for the remainder of his life he would never come this close to losing his baby brother.

Thorin had run to his side, Fili knew not when, and for the longest moment his emotions lay bared to the entire world as he stared in disbelief at his nephew; alive, breathing and relatively in one piece. Fili seen his uncle furious, disappointed and terrified for their lives, but never before had tears coursed down Thorin's cheeks as he pressed both hands gently around Kili's face, looking as though he was conflicted between shaking his nephew senseless and lecturing him for causing them all such consternation or gathering him into his arms and never letting him out of his sight again.

It was with a tremendous effort of will that Thorin tore himself away and faced the elven king, bowing his head in a gesture of respect as he said in a broken, husky tone, "There is no gift I can offer worthy enough to repay the life you have returned to me."

Unspoken was the promise, _The past is resolved; you have gained my trust._

"He is not fully healed yet," Elrond responded, his voice mildly strained in a manner which only Gandalf knew to indicate he was slighty uncomfortable to be caught up in the emotional drama. "We must return to Rivendell; I will finish the healing process there."

After a moment's pause, for he understood a dwarf's pride would only allow so much, Elrond pointed out, "The journey will be faster on horseback."

Thorin took time to consider his words before nodding to Fili. "Both of them to a horse. Shorten the stirrups if you must, but they will have no elf riding behind them."

Elrond inclined his head in acceptance and indicated for one of the elves to dismount.

Fili was not willing to move yet; he had only just found his brother, and he wanted to savor the moment. He could tell that Thorin shared his thoughts, and that all the leader desired was a few moments alone to sort out his rampart emotions. There was no time for dawdling, however, and with a clap to his shoulder Thorin instructed Fili to accompany the elves back to Rivendell.

The horse may well have been a dragon in Fili's eyes, and had it not been for his brother depending on him he might have refused the order whether or not it was Thorin who issued it. Within moments he found himself sitting astride the great beast, however, Kili cradled protectively in front of him while the earth loomed alarmingly below.

For a moment Fili was nauseous at the great height, before he reminded himself that he had faced mountain cliffs worse than this and a horse was not _that_ much taller than a pony. Even so, Fili distracted himself by ensuring his brother would not face further discomfort than neccessary; that his leg would not slip from Fili's grip and bounce against the horse's side, or that his shoulder wound would not be aggravated by the position of his arm.

Exhaustion from the battle and emotional stress crept over Fili and he struggled to remain upright as the riders surged forward. Two of the elves drew back to flank him, prepared at a moment's notice to catch either dwarf should they fall. In spite of his weariness Fili's grip on his brother did not falter, however, and he smiled wanely as a thought struck him.

"Still making me do all the hard work, I see," Fili teased, even though he knew Kili might not hear him. "Meanwhile _you_ rest at ease after wasting your energy scaring Uncle and me half to death."

Kili did not answer, but Fili entertained the notion that a slight smile twitched at the corner of his brother's mouth and that he relaxed marginally at the familiar jibe. His brother would be all right, he was sure of it; he _had_ to be.

"You would never leave me the task of informing Mother that you never said goodbye to her, after all," Fili entreated, attempting to make the statement more of a threat while blinking away the mist that hazed his vision. "I know how much you hate to displease her. It would break her poor heart to lose you. Uncle would be furious, for that matter. You remember how the halls thunder when he bellows after us. I think he would come perilously close to shaking down the mountains if you put it into your head to die on his watch. You would never want that to happen, would you?"

Fili could not stop talking, no matter what idiotic notion came to the tip of his tongue. It was the only means of retaining his sanity. In Fili's mind his voice was the anchor between Kili and this world, for his brother had mentioned that when he was sick or injured he would hear Fili prattling nonstop about the silliest things, and he would be reminded that there were reasons in plenty to leave whatever dream land he was experiencing and return home.

He spoke to Kili about the creek where they used to play as children, where Bofur once slipped on a rock and landed so hard on his rear he could not sit properly for days. He mentioned how Mother still thought her brother's beard was as ragged and unkempt as a bird's nest, and how she supplicated the day they left that her two sons attempt to look _somewhat _presentable as they would represent her as they journeyed to far lands.

He talked about all the silly things they had discovered about Bilbo Baggins, how those dainty little cloth things called "doilies" must have been spun by mice - which then proceeded to gnaw holes through the fabric before selling it, for the intricate lacy things were relatively useless and must have the sole purpose of keeping heirlooms and plants from scuffing the tables.

He chuckled as he recalled the look on Bilbo's face when Kili scraped his boots on "Aunt Eek's" chest by the door, and discussed how when the quest was finished they should disrupt the mundane complacency of the hobbit town by running through every single garden and then proceeding to scuff dirt all over "Aunt Eek's" furniture, empty the larders and track mud on the floor. They would be paid in sweets, of course, and Bilbo's house would receive special attention.

In such a way the journey to Imladris passed swiftly. Fili's awe at the beauty of the city when they arrived was outweighed by his concern for his brother, but he did take a moment to study the great statues they passed between and compare them to what he had heard of the great dwarven monuments of Erabor. If the elven carvings were indeed magnificent, then the craftings of his forefathers must be glorious to behold.

An elf in a sweeping robe met the riders as they dismounted, and Fili overheard snippets of conversation in the elvish tongue. Elrond pointed in the direction they had come from, indicating no doubt that company would soon be arriving. He could have been stating that the grass was pink and dwarves were as tall as men for all that Fili cared at the moment. His only concentration was getting down without falling and finding a quiet room - preferably with a bed - where Kili could rest comfortably until his wounds were tended to.

Without a hint of warning Kili was being slid from his grasp, and Fili lashed out with a spew of oaths in Khazdul at the elf that dared steal his brother from him. There was a flurry of activity as another elf came up behind Fili and held him back, guiding him off the horse even as the first bundled Kili into Elrond's arms.

Fili struggled wildly against his captors, paying no heed to their assurances that he need not panic, for Lord Elrond was merely taking his brother to a room where he could heal his injuries. Their words held no meaning for Fili and he screamed Kili's name, slipping free of the elves' grasp even as several others leapt to their aid.

How could they not understand that he _had_ to be at his brother's side at this moment, that he must be present when Kili awoke and needed him close by? Fili had nearly lost his brother less than an hour ago; what gave those fools the impression that he would act rationally if he and Kili were separated once more? They had not even offered him the choice of remaining behind before they had stolen his brother away.

Dwarves are natural sprinters. It was easy to duck under a horse and escape the general commotion, after which it was only a matter of finding where the dratted elf lord had taken his brother before the other elves discovered _him_. Fili would look back later and laugh about how comical it must have seemed; a host of elves running pell-mell down the corridor after a single dwarf, the citizens of Imladris swerving gracefully out of the way as they pondered whether to assist in their chase or leave the soldiers to do their job.

Pure luck had Fili rounding the corner the moment Elrond's assistant exited one of the rooms, and without pause Fili bolted past the doorway and slid to a perilous halt just shy of the bed where Kili lay.

"Stubborness of dwarves," Elrond said in frustration as he glanced up, clearly displeased with Fili's uncouth entrance making the second interruption of his day.

Fili gave no answer save a level stare, making it obvious that in no uncertain terms would he be leaving the room until Kili was awake, chattering nonstop and driving the entire city insane with his quest to end his boredom.

Elrond sighed and waved the guards away before returning to his work on Kili's shoulder. He now recalled _why_ he had been loathe to host a company of dwarves in the first place. They were stubborn as the mountains they resided in and as tricky as goblins. If the dwarf glowering expectantly at him was any example of the trouble Elrond was to anticipate, he had reason to suspect that he would regret returning the younger one's mobility. Brothers often preceeded the worst of trials in Rivendell's history of peace.

Valar help them if these two ever ran into Elrohir and Elladan. If either dwarf was half as impish as his twin sons, Elrond doubted Imladris would ever recover.

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***Evil muse guzzles down mocha and triple expresso donated by kind reviewer***

**"All right, who gave the muse coffee?!"**

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**I think this story is almost finished... but then again it was only supposed to be three chapters long in the first place. :/**

***Tears paperback copy of The Hobbit away from the muse and throws reviewer-donated unicorn plushie at its chomping teeth.* **

**My muse is running out of food. Please feed it before it devours my entire library.**


	7. Home

**"This Kili is definitely deceased. He has ceased to be! He has gone to make his maker, he has joined the choir invisible! If he wasn't included in this chapter he would be pushing up daisies!"**

** (Hee-hee! Couldn't resist putting that in. The first couple minutes of Monty Python and the Dead Parrot always come to mind when I write a semi-tragedy.) ;)**

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**Did I ever mention I do not own The Hobbit or anything related? Sadly, the only thing I own is the - *slap!* - "Ouch!"**

**Erm... laptop, of course. Hehe... Why would I ever say I owned the muse? **

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Pale sunlight winked in past the windows and caressed his skin, the sharp, fresh scent of morning bringing with it a sense of ease and peacefulness that made Kili want to pull the covers over his head and snooze away until late afternoon. Mother was calling, no doubt having been awake for hours preparing enough breakfast to satiate her two ravenous sons, but Kili was not yet ready to face the day.

_Yes, he would be up in a moment, Mother; there was no need to call in Fili._ Aulë help him if his brother decided a tickling spree was the proper method of rousing his sibling this morning.

Kili instinctively drew his feet up protectively, scrunching up his nose in horror at the thought. Perhaps he should get up before Fili contrived some other nasty prank to goad him out of bed. Last time he had poured a bucket of tadpoles down Kili's collar, and Kili imagined he had been washing slime out of his hair for weeks.

_All right, all right, I'm moving,_ Kili sighed, cracking his eyes open warily and half expecting Fili to be standing nearby with a tankard of freshly melted snow water to pour over his inert brother. _One of these days I will be up at the crack of dawn, and then he will discover how affable it is to awaken with kittens nibbling on his toes. _

"Kili? Come on, you great idiot. I know you are awake."

_Fili!_ Kili bolted upright, determined to have the upper hand when his brother launched his attack. He only succeeded in tangling his legs in the sheets in his clumsiness, spilling onto the floor in an undignified heap as he whipped around in search of his brother. A sharp twinge in his leg left him befuddled and confused, and he stared in perturb at the soft white bandages wrapped around his shoulder.

"What - Kili?" Fili leapt from the chair he had been resting in and flew to Kili's side, gingerly assisting his brother in returning to bed. His mannerism was fidgety and anxious, as though Kili were in danger of shattering at the lightest touch. "Don't move so fast, now; you were injured, remember?"

Injured? Again? What was it this time, a wrong step through a rotten floorboard? Or had Uncle Thorin finally had enough and clouted him over the head as he often threatened he would one day?

For the first time Kili took a moment to observe his surroundings, and realized he was residing in an unfamiliar large room. White walls were bathed in sunlight from the open balcony, but sparse of any decoration save a series of intricate carvings. Pillars stood near the open curtains and a cream colored rug covered most of the floor. There were a few articles of furniture, namely the bed which was pleasantly comfortable as well as a desk, small table and a few chairs, all of which had similar delicate patterns engraved into the wood. Kili's own clothing had been replaced by a pair of white trousers and a long sleeved shirt, and he felt nervous without his sword or bow at hand. He examined the room with no small degree of alarm, seeking for an explanation.

"Fili? What is going on?"

Fili sighed, swiping a hand over his face and looking as though he wanted nothing more than to sleep for a month or cry. Kili's worry spiked up a notch. How long had he been ill? Had his brother had _any_ rest during that time?

Now that he thought about it, where was the rest of the company? The last he could remember was of ...

Oh.

Snippets of flashing teeth and guttural orc screams filtered through Kili's mind and he quickly shut them out. He did not want to revisit that horrific moment.

That explained his injuries, then, but not how he came to be inside this mansion. Perhaps he was already dead and this was the afterlife. Of course, that would mean that Fili would be dead, too, and Kili did not want to entertain that idea.

"... Fili?"

There was another lengthy pause before Fili spoke. It seemed to Kili as though it took all his brother's effort to force the words from his throat.

"You nearly _died_, Kili. Right there... in my arms." Fili took a ragged breath and ran a hand through his hair, grasping at the tangled braids. "I thought... I thought I'd lost you, brother," he rasped. "You... you stopped breathing. There was nothing more I could do!"

It was not often that Kili played the comforter for his older brother, but there were rare occasions when Fili needed the illusion that everything was under control. "It's all right, Fili," he hushed, squeezing his sibling's wrist gently. "I'm here, now. I'm fine."

"No, you're not listening!" Fili shook his head, eyes glistening. "You _died, _Kili! You died in my arms and Elrond was almost unable to bring you back!" Biting back a sob, he fought for composure.

"I came so close to losing you, Kili."

Kili could make no answer to his brother's statement. Fili was the one with the assurances and promises, the one who could wipe away his doubts and remind him that the past should hold no regrets. Kili did not know how to offer the same consolation for his brother. He could only comfort him as he was able by his mere presence.

For a few minutes Kili remained silent, allowing Fili to regain control of his emotions while he took a moment to absorb what he had heard. If what he had heard from Gandalf was true, Elrond was the leader of the elves in these parts. If he had been the one to heal Kili, then that could only mean...

"Fili," he questioned, noticing the lack of boisterous shouting and clomping boots for the first time,"Where are the others?" At his brother's hesitation Kili insisted, "Fili? Where am I?"

"We are in Imladris," his brother answered reluctantly, fiddling with a tiny horse statuette that had been resting on the table. "You were unconscious when the elves brought us here. Elrond healed your shoulder and your leg, but you have been unconscious for nearly a week..."

_A week! _Kili sighed dismally and lay back, dismayed at the news. "Uncle will be furious with the delay."

For them to be held up in Rivendell, no less! Thorin had sworn against ever setting foot inside the elven city, and now Kili had dragged them all here due to his _stupid _clumsiness. He could not have thrown off their plans with more efficiency.

"Don't be too hard on yourself, Kili. Thorin suspects Gandalf would have tricked us into stopping by here in the first place," Fili shrugged with a look of chagrin. "Apparently there was some sort of 'hidden inscription' in the map that Thorin needed to take a look at. You've actually helped our quest, if you look at it that way."

"Hidden inscription?" Kili inquired.

"'Moon Runes,' he called them," Fili started to explain. "You could only see them when - "

Kili never learned the true mystery behind "Moon Runes," as at that moment Fili was rudely interrupted when two dark heads popped around the door. Pointed ears and matching wicked grins greeted Kili, and the taller of the elves laughed when he jumped in surprise.

"Well, well, well, so the charge is finally awake!"

Fili bit back a smile, rolling his eyes as he introduced, "Elladan and Elrohir, Lord Elrond's sons. They, ah, have personally made it their responsibility to ensure we are not disturbed."

"Except when that terrifying uncle of yours is present," Elladan pointed out, waltzing into the room with little regard to the conversation he had just interrupted. "He seems to be under the impression that _we _are the disturbance."

Elrohir nodded exuberantly in agreement, adding, "He can yell louder than Ada!"

Fili hid a chuckled at Kili's puzzled expression. "It appears that we have distant cousins among the Rivendell folk. Thorin says he will welcome our next prank after being subjected to their mischeif."

"It was but a harmless dragonfly, and we did not expect it to fly into his beard," Elladan complained. "We did not even intend for it to escape!"

"Of course, the minnows in the dwarves' mead _was_ no accident," Elrohir added, "Only we did not anticipate that Thorin would choke on one..."

Kili gaped in pleased astonishment. "You slipped a fish into his drink and he suspected nothing?"

Elrohir shrugged half heartedly. "Ada did warn us that we would initiate the War of Elves and Dwarves before the end. We are doomed to assist the cooks in the kitchen for the next few weeks."

"Yes, originally we were sentenced to scrubbing the floors of the entire city, however the grand display of eleven dwarves and one wizard slipping and sliding down the soapy sudsy stairs escaped father's sense of humor," Elladan said wryly. "He banished us to dish washing detail after that, but I do not think he trusted us even then considering there was a guard posted at every serving plate."

The twins burst into a fit of helpless giggles, Fili and Kili joining in their mirth at the mental image of the great Thorin Oakenshield tumbling down a flight of stairs and leaving a trail of grimy soap suds in his wake.

"Why aren't we taking notes on this?" Kili hissed. "We've only been here a week and already they are outwitting us with their pranks!"

Fili sobered immediately, giving him that funny, sidelong look again and refused to meet his eyes. Kili had a grave suspicion that his brother was hiding something.

"Before we leave," Elladan announced, procurring two small goblets of a clear liquid, "Refreshments. Our sister sent you these - "

"And we edited them," Elrohir broke in with a conspiratal wink. "We intend to give them to Ada and his melodramatic aid, but you must pretend to drink out of them first so that our sister does not uncover our ploy."

Kili and Fili exchanged a dubious glance. "Somehow I have the impression that our pranks were a little more intelligent," Kili commented softly.

He accepting the goblet, wrinkling his nose at the fumes and immediately handing it back before he could catch a proper whiff. Fili sniffed at the liquid, no doubt trying to ascertain its contents, and the two elves exchanged a gleeful grin.

A split second later Fili let out series of explosive sneezes and the twins cackled in mirth.

"I knew it!" Elrohir grinned wildly. "He is allergic, dear brother! What do you think it is? The hawthelberry or the belladonna?"

"Either way we had better ensure Ada does not actually drink it," Elladan murmured, "Or we may be facing down more than a wrathful healer if he becomes ill."

"Forgive our experiment," Elrohir piped up, "But we had to ensure it reached the proper potency before we put it to good use, and you were the only victims who would not suspect us."

"Come on, then," Elladan urged, "Before Arwen learns we are here!" He grabbed his brother's shoulder and pulled him out the door, the twin's muffled voices drifting further away as they discussed exactly what reaction they might expect from their father.

Kili had a hand clapped over his mouth, tears streaming from his eyes as he tried in vain not to make fun of Fili's red face and puffed up nose. The battle was futile and Kili burst into uncontrollable laughter.

"It's not funny!" Fili grumped wrapping a rag around his nose and clouting his brother over the head in an act of revenge.

Kili rolled just out of range, striking his head on the back wall instead. To Fili's relief this brought a swift and merciful end to his bout of humor.

"Now, then," Kili determined as soon as his wits returned to him, "How long until I am well enough to travel?" He looked about for his armor, hoping he would not be forced to wear the drab white tunic he was clad in for the rest of the journey.

Fili cringed. "A few days, at least, though we could start off now if we take it easy."

Kili frowned, sighing at his incompetency. "I do feel badly for holding back the quest," he admitted. "Where is Uncle Thorin? I want to inform him that I am ready at once."

His brother was oddly reluctant to meet his gaze, and Kili's eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"Fili? Where are the others?"

Fili took great interest in his frayed boot lace, examining it with the most impeccable care as he revealed, "We are... not accompanying them, Kili."

Time screeched to a halt and Kili blinked owlishly, certain he had misunderstood. "What do you mean, not accompanying them?" he asked with a laugh, assured that his brother was only teasing. "We are part of the company, are we not?"

Only now did Fili meet his eyes, and the raw disappointment reflected in his gaze may well have been a dagger plunging into Kili's stomach.

"The company ... left, Kili. Three days ago. Unc... Thorin has ordered us to return home."

Kili's breath was stolen away in a surge of denial. "No," he whispered, shaking his head, "No, he cannot do that. We swore an oath, Fili, we _signed_ a contract! He cannot - "

"He can, and he has!" Fili interrupted, his face twisted in defeat. "I argued the point with him, Kili. By Aulë I _begged _him to reconsider! He told me he refused to place us in any further danger and I..." He drew a ragged breath, "Forgive me, brother, but I _agreed_ with him in the end."

Kili drew back as though he had been struck. "You... you _told_ him we would return? After everything we have fought for - "

"It was nothing worth _dying_ for, Kili!" Fili intercepted, rising to his feet. "You could have been killed in that field, and for what reason? For the sake of a few pieces of cold metal? I would sooner take the treasure of Eraborn and throw it into the sea!"

Never in his life had he seen Fili so angry, so desperate. Kili sank down under the covers, speechless in light of his brother's admission. Had it really been that close, then, for his brother to reach the point where he would sooner abandon their uncle - the hero he had looked to for guidance - than risk any further danger?

"...Fili..?" he petitioned tremulously.

The flame in his brother's eyes snuffed out and Fili gathered him into a crushing embrace, trembling as he said wretchedly, "I _will not_ lose you again, Kili."

Kili could offer no reply, for there was none. He could not ease his brother's fear nor claim that death would never find them, for the future was a veiled path and he could no more swear that they would live to see the morrow than he could stop the rain. He could not say that his Uncle's worries were unfounded and ask that 'Please, couldn't they run and catch up before it was too late?', for Fili had proven to him that Thorin's worst fears had been realized and nothing short of a miracle would sway his decision.

Kili could only hold on and assure his brother that yes, he understood and promised not to run off and follow after the others, that yes, he would accompany him without complaint and take care not to strain his injuries on the long trek back, that yes, he was keenly disappointed but he promised to hold his head high as though they were not returning in disgrace, and yes, above all he _did_ understand Uncle Thorin's reasoning and he would do his best not to hold it against him.

It would be nice, Kili supposed, to see mother again and to assure her that when they had last seen him Thorin had been alive and well. And he would still have Fili, and they could collaborate a list of ideas from the twins so that they could properly surprise Uncle Thorin when he returned in success. Kili could do this... he would be all right.

Fili sniffed hard, swallowing back the remainder of his tears and squeezing his brother tighter as Kili relaxed against him. "Come on, brother," he croaked, forcing a smile. "Let's go home."

* * *

Thorin knew Kili would feel betrayed that he had been left behind. Fili himself had been angered by the dismissal, arguing the point into long hours of the night before accepting that Thorin was acting for the best.

He did not deserve such undeterred loyalty from his nephews, and in the end that was what altered the course of Thorin's decision.

Fili and Kili would sooner die fighting alongside him than preserving their own lives, and Thorin could not allow that to continue. He knew he should be proud of his nephews, grateful for two stout hearted warriors who would stand by him in the throng of battle. After Kili was nearly torn to pieces by the warg, however, Thorin could only feel disgust at himself for dragging them into his own personal war. He would never have forgiven himself had either of them died on his account.

His nephews may have joined him of their own accord, knowing full well the risks involved, but Kili was still young and reckless, prone to thrill seeking and adventure, while Fili would have followed Thorin into a river of dragon's fire had he asked. Their choice had never been their own, even under the illusion of a contract.

After their father's death Thorin had practically raised the boys as his own sons. He had watched them grow, taken part in their childish fantasies, taught them how to use a sword, and observed their bond strengthen and deepen until neither brother could be seen without the other. His nephews were more precious to him than thousands of mines brimming with treasure, yet Thorin had nearly tossed them aside, sacrificed them for the promise of his "rightful" inheritance.

No, he could never forgive himself for his selfish single-mindedness. And so Thorin had sent them home, back to their mother, back to a land of relative safety, where Kili would live to fall out of another tree and Fili might get around to marrying that girl he had been secretly admiring. His nephews would forgive him in time, Thorin hoped, but even if they never understood his reasoning his heart was lighter knowing they were safe. In the end, that was all that mattered.

He had kept his promise to D_i_s.

.

**END**

**.**

* * *

** Um... this was not exactly supposed to happen. My muse, which is now so fat it has to roll around to get anywhere, was given ****a lifetime supply of Starbucks coffee and it hit the roof after drinking the entire thing. It's probably going to sleep through the rest of the year.**

**(*Points out all reviewers who fed the muse coffee* "Blame them for this fiasco, not me!)**

** Well, good news is that this means Fili and Kili won't die in the end. :) **

* * *

**Even better news! **

**A new muse latched onto my shoe on my way back from shopping, and we are currently devising new and improved ways of torturing our favorite Durin family. **

**Of course, the new muse heard about its cousin's reviewer-supplied buffet and now it demands that it, too, must be fed so that it may properly enjoy its Kili chew toy without the discomfort of its tummy rumbling. In return we will try and post our newest story as soon as possible!**

** So please feed the new muse and welcome him into the Kili!torture community! Reviews and ideas are welcome, chew toys and dinosaur plushies are also acceptable. ;)**

**(Please remember, do not offer coffee to the muses. Terrible and unexpected things happen when muses are high on caffeine.) **


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